


the night I drove alone

by animalnitrate (allsmilesoverhere)



Category: GOT7
Genre: Night Driving, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:27:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24135073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allsmilesoverhere/pseuds/animalnitrate
Summary: sad drabble
Comments: 5
Kudos: 6





	the night I drove alone

**Author's Note:**

> hi ! first time writing, ever, so enjoy

Pitting the side of him that didn’t want to live, against the side that did, Jaebeom found himself pushing the acceleration peddle harder and harder. The streets were empty, he was careful, but he loved how the street lights were just streaks of yellow running by him.

Jaebeom didn’t know how he felt, whether he should slow down, go home, and distract himself by texting someone. Or if he should keep going until his car smelt like burning rubber, until he was finally brave enough to not care and collide with something head on, and end it all. He wanted a quick and painless way out. A small part of him screamed “this is not it”, but that voice was drowned out by the sound of blood rushing in his ears and his erratic breathing. 

He wanted it so badly, an infinity of nothingness. He wasn’t scared of dying, but was scared of it going to hurt. Jaebeom didn’t want to be found by his members, he couldn’t bare the thought of them finding his body, but somedays his mind romanticised an image of him finally looking peaceful in a bath of red water with his wrists slit, or in bed after OD’ing, finally asleep forever.

But then he thought about the burden of it all, a car crash is so public, nothing subtle, but big and loud and attention seeking, very James Dean. He didn’t want to be an even bigger embarrassment to his friends, Jaebeom thought. 

His eyes were bleary with tears seconds away from falling, throat stinging with the need to cry and scream. A red light brought him to a stop as he was about to come off the freeway, back into the city, giving him time to think about if tonight is really the night. His mind raced with thought of all the pills, booze, razors that were back in his apartment. 

A tear rolled down his cheek as he clenched his hand around the steering wheel without realising, imagining the sensation of running a blade down his arm. The tug, the sting, all the red hitting his bathroom floor - a small gasp brought him out of the fantasy he caught himself slipping into. Blinking through his tears he watched the stop light turn green.

Following the roads back into the city, tonight was not the night he crashed his car, he sighed.

**Author's Note:**

> idea came from The night i drove alone - Citizen,, bit of a (depressing) bop
> 
> only checked thru it once, unsure if i like it but hey ho, sorry its so sad


End file.
